Courtesy: University of Central Florida

Whew! It’s amazing how quickly the summer passed us by. And, let me tell you, what a summer it has been.

Many of you know that I decided to leave the seminary this summer and have been following my progress with starting anew on Twitter and/or Facebook. That decision ultimately led me to transfer to the University of Central Florida, which has been an interesting task. The last couple of months have been spent making sure all needed documents were signed, sealed and delivered to the university. After all of that, I am looking forward to finally getting started.

Tomorrow will officially mark the beginning of the Fall 2010 semester. I have only registered for four classes so I should have ample time to continue blogging, etc. My classes for this semester are: Civic Engagement, Public Administration in American Society, Administration of Public Policy and Interdisciplinary Leadership in Public Affairs.

Many people have told me that the reason I went to the seminary was to find my singing voice; I can actually see some truth into that. Even before entering the formal discernment process, I was an active member in my parish’s adult choir but that usually entailed providing inaudible backup singing. However, on Good Friday of this past year I was given the opportunity to cantor for the first time. From that point on, I came to the realization that maybe that was the next step in my ministry to the Church.

The main thing that I have discovered throughout my journey in the seminary and the transition back to the “lay” life is that we all have unique talents that we bring to the table and we have all been called to use those gifts in service of God’s people and the praise of God’s name. All too often people fail to recognize that their talents were given to them by the Creator. God has given us so much and the least we can do is offer a small portion of those gifts back to Him.

Now, for some news from Rome: Pope Benedict XVI is due to return to Rome sometime after his September trip to the United Kingdom. The four day trip will culminate with the beatification of  John Henry Cardinal Newman. For more information on the Papal Visit to the U.K., visit: http://www.thepapalvisit.org.uk/. You could also “follow” the official Papal Visit Twitter account: @thepapalvisit for all you tweeters out there.

Also, on the homefront, we have learned from Francis Cardinal George, President of the USCCB, that the Vatican has approved the final version of the new English translation for the Roman Missal. In a letter on August 20th, Cardinal George said: “We can now move forward and continue with our important catechetical efforts as we prepare the text for publication.” The new translation takes effect in all parishes across the country on Novemer 27, 2011. We are in for an interesting time, folks. For more on the new translation, visit: http://www.usccb.org/romanmissal/.

Well, that’s it for now. Until next time, stay tuned.

Over the last several months of seminary formation, the mural in the seminary’s chapel has been speaking to me more and more each day. As many of you have read in my blog posts over the last couple of years, the discernment of the priesthood of Jesus Christ is not easy.

The Church asks a lot of someone who is in the discernment process of becoming a priest. We are asked to take a look at the deepest recesses of our hearts and examine who we are at our inner most cores. That journey can be very painful at times because all of us begin to open wounds and hurts that we have experienced throughout our lives. When we recall those events, we are asked to bring them to spiritual direction to find healing. Over the past couple of years, as I have taken this inward journey, I have begun to discover who I am and what the Lord is asking me to do with my life.

Since returning to the seminary in late-August, I continued to take this inward journey to try to discover where the Lord is leading me in my life. As I began the year, something was amiss with me and I was not quite sure what that something entailed. The slightest little thing began to upset me and I had to take a look at why that was happening. I began to wake up every morning dreading the day, not wanting to do anything. However, I simply knew I had to get up and get going. A phrase my Uncle David used to say came to mind: “You gots to do what ya gots to do.” However, because I was experiencing this immense unhappiness, I did make the decision to take it to spiritual direction.

During my direction sessions, as my spiritual director and I began to discuss why I was miserable, I began to really wonder if priesthood was where the Lord was calling me. Shortly after all these things began emerging, my prayer changed into, “Lord, what do you wish me to do with my life?” Over the next few months, I began to see that the Lord was possibly changing my path.

Throughout my times in prayer, the desire for a family began to re-emerge. As many of my closest friends know, the reason I was hesitant to enter the seminary was because I so profoundly desired to have a family of my own. I took this to spiritual direction as well. As the conversation continued to deepen, I also recalled my first passion in life—law enforcement.

My spiritual director initially told me that, at times in our lives as we seek to follow the Lord more closely, our previous desires begin to re-emerge and make us question whether we want to continue in the path on which we are currently embarking. However, this is usually just a trick that the evil spirit plays on us to make us swerve from our true path in life. Nonetheless, he asked me to continue praying about what the Lord was asking me to do.

At that point, I began praying to the Blessed Mother, asking for her assistance in helping me to know her Son more intimately and understand what He was asking me to do with my life. As Christmas Break began, my prayer changed yet again: “Blessed Mother, help me to know your son; allow me to grow in a relationship with him; teach me how to pray; grant me understanding in knowing what God is asking me to do with my life. Blessed Mother, be my star; guide me along the rough waters of life and illuminate my path.”

Throughout the Christmas recess, I spent some time focusing on the things I had experienced throughout the first semester of this academic year. As the dust began to settle more and more, I began to realize that the Lord was calling me to leave the seminary and pursue some other kind of service. Initially, I was unsure as to what that meant.

During the end of the first week on break, I served a funeral for an Orange County Deputy Sheriff who had recently died of cancer. Because the Cathedral of St. James was undergoing renovations, the funeral was moved to St. Charles. Throughout the days before the funeral, I was remembering how I wanted to be a police officer before entering seminary and I began wondering if this was what the Lord was calling me to do. During the funeral, I experienced the brotherhood of the law enforcement community in a very powerful way, which allowed me to really see that maybe this was the path the Lord was calling me to take in my life.

On New Years Eve, I was sitting in front of the Blessed Sacrament at St. Charles and I prayed the prayer that I had been praying for the last several months: “Lord, what do you wish me to do with my life? Am I called to be a priest or am I called to serve your people in some other capacity?” Then it hit me and I knew. I knew the Lord was asking me to leave the seminary, take what I had learned, and go out to serve the people. I was immediately reminded of the scripture passage on the mural in the Chapel of St. Raphael: “Go ye into all the world and preach the Gospel to all creatures.”

When I got back to seminary a few days later, I took my experiences to my spiritual director who told me to begin listening to the voice of the church to see if the Lord speaks through them as well. Throughout the following weeks, I did exactly that; I listened to the priests’ homilies more intently, I paid particular attention to what my professors were saying, and I began talking to a couple of my brother seminarians. When the seminary community began our January Day of Recollection, I took all of these experiences to the silent retreat and really focused on them. I again asked the Blessed Mother to be my star, illuminating my discernment.

The next meeting with my spiritual director was the best spiritual direction session I had ever encountered. At that point, my spiritual director also began to see that the Lord was calling me to something else. Since January, my spiritual director and I have been discussing what was next in my life and he helped me arrive at a decision, which is to leave the seminary at this time to pursue serving God’s people as a police officer. However, there are many steps that need to be taken before I explore this next part of my journey.

I have set goals for the next couple of years that I must complete before even thinking about entering the police academy. My first and most important goal is obtaining a degree in Public Administration from the University of Central Florida. The next is getting in shape, which I am going to have to work on over the next several months. I also would like to begin working at the Sheriff’s Office so that I can learn the ropes of the organization and begin to better understand the law enforcement community.

As I begin the process of discernment outside the seminary, I know that the Lord is going to be walking with me more than ever. I will take with me the love that I have experienced from the Lord through the many people who have been instrumental in my life. I will take with me the knowledge and understanding that things happen in the Lord’s time, not mine. And, most of all, I take with me the faith to put all my trust and hope in the Lord, knowing that He will lead me where He pleases.

I thank all of you: the members of my family; Archbishop-Designate Wenski, Fr. Miguel, Fr. Michael, Fr. Joseph, Fr. Tom, Fr. Augustine and all of the priests who have been instrumental in my discernment; my brother seminarians who have walked this journey with me; my closest friends who have supported me over the years; and all of those who have offered financial assistance and prayers for your unceasing support over the last couple of years as I discerned the priesthood of Jesus Christ. As I begin this next portion of my journey, I also begin discerning the Permanent Diaconate. Seminary has illustrated to me that I am being called to serve the Church in a special way, by offering myself for the benefit of others. I ask that you all please continue to keep me in your prayers. Please be assured of my prayers for you.

Pax.

The spring semester’s Vocations Awareness Weekend was so much more profound than the fall semester’s VAW. This time around, the seminary capped the number of young men who could attend to at about 70. Each of the seven dioceses of the Province of Miami brought priests and young men discerning God’s will for the their lives. The quality of guys that attended the weekend was a lot better than I had previously experienced. The men who came down know that there is something tugging at their hearts; they know that the Lord is calling them to do something special with their lives. In an increasingly materialistic world, the courage these young men exhibited in simply coming on the weekend was incredible. The Lord was working in so many ways!!

After Vocations Awareness Weekend, activities at the seminary really quieted down. In fact, most of the time leading up to Easter Break was spent, for most of the seminarians, working on papers. The paper I was working on was for Contemporary Philosophy; it was a paper on Martin Heidegger and his critique of the Cartesian project [For all of you non-Philosophers out there, Descartes' philosophical argument culminated in the belief: "Cogito ergo sum."--"I think, therefore I am."] However, once I got into the paper, I realized that in order to talk about Descartes, I first had to do a brief overview of the entire history of philosophy. I did not have a clue as to what I was writing, but Fr. Vallee seemed to like it because he gave me an A–something I was totally not expecting.

When Easter Break finally arrived, I was looking forward to helping out at St. Charles. I absolutely love being around the people of my parish. It reminds me where I am from, who is important and what matters most in life. On Good Friday, I was given the opportunity (strongly encouraged) to cantor for the first time at my parish. Even though I had done it countless amounts of time at the seminary, I was extremely nervous because it was my first time doing it at home. But, everything turned out okay. Before I went up to the ambo to sing the Responsorial Psalm, I said a brief prayer:”Lord, I am doing this for you. Please do not make me look like a fool.”

The rest of Easter Break was spent in a prayerful mood as I contemplated the gift that the Lord had given us through the suffering, death and resurrection of His son. I was reminded that, throughout our lives, we do not necessarily understand where the Lord is leading us; however, we simply have to put our trust in Him and follow where He leads. Most of the time, when we truly try to follow the Lord, we are going down a certain path when the Lord steps in and takes your hand. At that point, sometimes, we are led down a very different path. All we can do is surrender ourselves to His will.

When we returned from Easter Break, it was time to begin preparations for final exams. I was so thankful to be given a take-home final [Themes of the Catechism of the Catholic Church], three open note exams [Thomas Aquinas in the 20th Century, Contemporary Philosophy, and Anthropology], and only one exam where I actually had to study [Spanish]. I guess we can say that the Lord was very merciful as always.

After finals, the seminary community gathered together to begin community days. In most colleges, after the students take their final exams, they are free to go home for the summer. However, in the seminary, we are a faith community first and foremost. That connection ties us together and makes our school community unique. Therefore, community days are designed to help us come together and experience the Lord firsthand through the relationships we have with one another as brothers in Christ.

Community days and the academic year came to a close on May 5th with the celebration of graduation. Sixteen seminarians graduated from St. John Vianney College Seminary this year, most of which are moving on to St. Vincent de Paul Regional Seminary in Boynton Beach. The Mass was celebrated by Archbishop John C. Favalora, which is usually not the case. Archbishop Favalora usually only presides over the graduation ceremony. However, because he is retiring as Archbishop of Miami in the next month, Favalora was asked to preside over the Mass. It was beautiful to share in that experience with him.

Well, there you have it, the final episode of the “Year in Review.” I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to all of you who have supported me in this journey over the last year. I have had some great experiences this year at the seminary, all of which will remain with me forever. Thanks for the prayers and the support. As always, stay tuned.

Pax.

PHOTO: (1) St. John Vianney College Seminary; (2) The Excerpt Mill; (3) St. John Vianney College Seminary–Dan Darmanin

The weekend after the alumni reunion, the seminary again opened its doors to a large group of people for our fall Vocations Awareness Weekend. The VAW that took place from November 13-15th was rather difficult. There were a lot of young men attending that were seriously considering what God was calling them to do with their lives. However, there were others who were here simply because their parents wanted them to come and who had no intention of looking at the priesthood as something God was calling them to do with their lives. However, the Lord worked through all of it. He used each and every one of the seminarians and priests who were here to show the attendees that God loves them and that He is seeking them to serve the Church and the people of God in some capacity. It was rather humbling to see, in the midst of the sometimes chaotic weekend, that the Lord was using me to reach someone I had never met. It goes to show you that the Lord works with what you have to offer, however limited that offering may be. All we can do is surrender it all to Him because we cannot necessarily see how the Lord is working in others.

After VAW, the rest of the fall semester was normal. By no means is seminary ever normal!! Seminarians are constantly embarking on journeys that travel into the deepest recesses of our personhood and it is rather exhausting in itself. However, to have a lot of extra things back to back, the semester was very exhausting. At the same time, however, all of us felt that we had accomplished a great feat; our exhaustion felt good. But, nonetheless, we all were looking forward to getting back to the regular routine of seminary life. Shortly after getting back into the regular routine, the seminarians had their final exams for the fall semester (all of which I passed–to go on the record) and departed for home to celebrate the Christmas holidays with family and friends.

Over the Christmas break, I was able to spend some amount of time at the feet of the Lord. I asked him to continue guiding me, strengthening me, and illuminating His will for my life. The fall semester was one that was filled with many struggles and the Christmas break showed me that the Lord had something rather interesting in store for me during the spring semester. He was going to be working in me and through me in ways that I could not imagine. When we returned from Christmas break, all of the seminarians breathed a sigh of relief when we noticed that the forthcoming semester was rather normal and tranquil.

“On January 15th, the seminary community went on a Day of Recollection to assist us in switching gears from the Christmas Break and to prepare us for the upcoming academic semester. The Day of Recollection, which only lasted about 20 hours or so, was eye opening for me. It allowed me to really reflect on priestly service and the baptismal call of all. The mini-retreat gave me the opportunity to reflect on how the Lord is working in my life and how he continues to call me to serve His church, His people.” [1]

Our semester continued with the presentation of the junior class’ Humanities Projects on January 28th. The purpose of the projects was to show a connection between the study of humanities (art, music, etc.) with that of religion and/or philosophy. To make the presentations go smoothly and not take five days to present, the juniors were broken up into five groups of three. Each of the groups were asked to choose two humanities categories and prepare a 15 minute presentation on how they are connected to theology or philosophy. Each of the projects were rather good; I was impressed by the work some of my fellow classmates completed. My group chose painting and literature and its correlation to theology; we focused on the Passion story–the Way to the Cross, the Crucifixion, and the Descent from the Cross.

The project had a very profound impact on me because I was able to see how, through painting and literature, the Lord can reach us on a level that is immense. I was reminded of God’s love for each of us. It reminded me that, no matter what we do with our lives, as long as we are praising the Lord and working to serve others, then we are living the life that God wants us to live. But it also reminded me of my sinfulness and how the Lord is constantly calling me to a conversion of heart and mind.

The most intriguing event of the second semester was the visit of a very special alumni for the seminary’s annual Fides et Ratio Conference. This year, the seminary was very blessed to have Ambassador Miguel H. Diaz, United States Ambassador to the Holy See, come and give the annual speech to the seminarians, faculty, and other invited guests. “The purpose of Ambassador Diaz’s speech was to highlight the growing relationship between the United States and the Vatican, especially in the areas where the two countries are working together for the common good of all peoples.”

Ambassador Diaz had a message for the seminarians in attendance:

“We need religious leaders who know the world, who know the issues of the world and who can wrestle them.” He went on to say that “we are not called to flee from the world. The Church is in the midst of the world. The people of faith are called to be there, to be in Haiti, to be wherever human dignity is trampled.” And finally, the ambassador told us that “we have to remember the past because we do not want the future to be that past.”

It was a reminder to all of us that the Lord needs us to stand up for our faith and the morals that He gave us. We need to live in a way that illustrates the love of the Lord. We need to defend the rights of others, putting ourselves last, risking everything we have been given to make the voice of God heard in the world.

After Fides et Ratio, things once again returned to our regular routine. In February, after returning from mid-semester break, we went on a three-day retreat. The retreat was very helpful and grace-filled for me. I was given the opportunity to spend a good amount of time in the presence of the Lord without the distractions of the external world. I was able to focus on my prayer and to truly grow in my relationship with the Lord and with our Blessed Mother. A couple of weeks after the retreat,the seminary community once again opened its doors to guests for our second Vocations Awareness Weekend of the year.

As you can see, the post is getting long again. Therefore, stay tuned for Episode III where I will reflect on the Spring Semester from VAW until the present time as we prepare for graduation and Summer Recess.

PHOTO: (1) St. John Vianney College Seminary; (2) St. John Vianney College Seminary; (3) College of St. Benedict–St. John’s University